What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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