Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
