youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
