You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
