So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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