So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
