just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
