So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
