I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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