Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
