I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
