I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
nutella sex= disaster
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
