I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
