I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
