thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
