Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
