I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
