I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
only if we run a train.
done.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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