I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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