My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
