for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
