I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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