It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
