All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
