I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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