i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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