I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
