I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
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You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
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I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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