sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
