went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
