Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
