We won't sleep together?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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