oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
