So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
