It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
