You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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