That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
