Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
