her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
