THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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