Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
