Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
