farters have to be the big spoon...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
