i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Randomize
