I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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