Define "chronic" masturbator.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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