4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
