is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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