Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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