I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
