i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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