Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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