Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
