i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
