This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
