So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
