I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
