I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Randomize
