Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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