I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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