I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize