Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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